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November 3, 2012
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Or Something Like It by animon Or Something Like It by animon
--

There were times when a sense of (reason? clarity? sanity?) something lucid would settle back into her buzzing mind. With it would come the Weight, and for a long, crushing, smothering amount of time she would sit, or lie down, or try do anything she could and not think about how ruined she was. How that creature had gotten so deep under her skin that she could create, manipulate, pull off his most silent and perfected evils with frightening ease.

In time the memories would return; the words, the tears, the roars, the screams and that sad, sweet face she saw so much of her old self in… And the rage, fresh and hot, would return to keep her going. To plan, to plot, to act...

Until then the Weight must be endured; vicious and heavy enough to keep her pinned in place. And at some point there would be no choice but to lay down and feel the dull, empty, familiar pain fester (it must pass, it has to pass, I have too much to do) and wait. And wait. And wait.

It might be an hour or more until it occurs to her that the boulder she’s leaning against is, in fact, not a boulder. She isn’t completely alone yet, not here.

The creature had been a fool back then, thinking he left her with nothing (absolutely NOTHING), but there had always been a warm body near her when he was not. A pleasant warmth, a steady heartbeat, and in that tiny, unknown mercy he had failed to leave her completely seared.

Even if they were both too torn, too mutilated, that they couldn’t offer so much as a whisper, or anything there at all (she wouldn’t have minded, not for anything now, after years and years of THAT-), they were still always near and never left. And sometimes (these times) one would sit closer, (a lean in, a nuzzle, an embrace and that’s all there can be, but it’s enough, it’s enough, it’s perfect) with no one else to know (and it would feel a little sweeter, a little lighter).

Palecoat especially. He always seemed to know when.

In all the years he stood by her – steady and silent and breathing – neither he or the other had never so much indicated to want anything more from her in return, nothing at all (and she would give them anything now, ask for anything just stay, please, stay with me).

Perhaps it was just nice to feel wanted. To feel close.

She hoped to the Stars she was wanted back.


--

A silly little pic with a silly little story that would not leave me be after reading Rinjapine's little story fav.me/d5jt98q.
It's gettin' all Game of Thrones-y over there, but with lions! o3o

Lalela's story just turned out so pathetically sad that I had to imagine she got some comfort somewhere. There had to be a bond of some sort between her and her two guards, even just emotionally.
Knowing her luck, they probably won't be around for much longer... :(

Lalela, Lalela's bodyguard (c) :iconrinjapine:
Pic, mini-story (c) Me
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:iconmoonfirexd:
MoonfireXD Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This scares me because depression and feels that I know and ._.

My brain...
Reply
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Oh dear, sorry for the feels! Hope you feel better! :hug:
Reply
:iconmoonfirexd:
MoonfireXD Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"Until then the Weight must be endured; vicious and heavy enough to keep her pinned in place. And at some point there would be no choice but to lay down and feel the dull, empty, familiar pain fester (it must pass, it has to pass, I have too much to do) and wait. And wait. And wait."

...

FEELS. ...

Such feels are rare. It's a rarely opened window into my own mental state. Don't be sorry. Please, don't be sorry. Huggle! 
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Professional General Artist
...oh. I didn't realize it was that evocative. I was just trying to think of how the character felt! Huh. :|

D'aww, it's okay as long as you're okay. Wish you well! :iconglompplz:


Reply
:iconmoonfirexd:
MoonfireXD Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
At least to my messed up brain, it's a perfect (I mean perfect) definition of the crushing darkness of depression. It spoke VOLUMES. You captured the feeling perfectly, and I'm amazed that it was an accident! :o

It's an interesting insight into the character's mindset. I think it makes sense that she would have depression. Probably even more sense that she buries the pain and dark, the Weight, with murderous ambitions.

I'm fighting my own blinding demons, so pieces of text which let me see into my own mind are rare. I'll be okay eventually. It's enough to still be fighting, haha. Thank you! :3
Reply
:icondarthrhoadie:
DarthRhoadie Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i think palecoat is sexeh~
Reply
:iconcougarhearted:
CougarHearted Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
Sometimes I wonder if Lalela had ever had any kind of romantic attachment to one of her body guards......
Reply
:iconbrokenfangs:
Brokenfangs Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Student Filmographer
I really like the lighting. :> I mean, I like all of it of course, but the lighting is a really nice touch. It's sweet when such broken creatures still have each other. :heart:
Reply
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thanks very much! :)

Funny thing is, I was trying to go for some subtle symbolism with the lighting here. Lalela's whole life has been little more than a misery ever since she married into the Sun Pride, and here her guard is literally shielding her from the sun. =D
Obviously it turned out so subtle that people haven't noticed it. XD
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:iconbrokenfangs:
Brokenfangs Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Filmographer
I didn't really think of it that way. It fits even more nicely now! :)
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:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
i didnt catch that. but i LOVE it.
Reply
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
Subtle lighting symbolism is super-subtle! :dummy:
Reply
:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
IT IS! 8D
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:icon4theview:
4theView Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
Tragic. Amazing picture :clap:
Reply
:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
i love the way you've gotten into her head <3 < indeed yes i do. and mr.pale guy up close! 8D
Reply
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Huzzah, I did a good job! :dummy:

Palecoat's a total loyal stoic-sweetie to his Dowager, along with Darkcoat. :3
I had one horrible thought too; what if they were illegitimate Royal bastards? (illegitimate cousins, to be more precise here)
I mean, a bastard female cub could be thrown out into the Pridesisters and forgotten about, but the boys? This would be one way to keep them in line and out of the way.
And a nasty sod like Sithakala probably advocate it, just to avoid any competition for the throne... (if they were his cousins, say) :(

Also, Palecoats official theme song (for me) is this [link] ...for reasons. :|
Reply
:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
its possible some eunuchs were, but unlikely. these two guys i know are not, for sure. they are males raised for the express purpose of being the Empress's guards. their whole life, they are groomed to accept the fate awaiting them. and once they have achieved full size and strength, theyre ritually castrated, and given to the Empress as her personal bodyguards. Sithakala just went a step further and had their tongues cut out as well, which they did NOT sign up for. so they were much more loyal to Lalela than to Sithakala, and sympathized with her plight more. they looked the other way at Lalela's murder of the Emperor because of that.

and she originally had more of these guys (i see somewhere between 4 and 5), but these are the only two who remain. the other died, either in the line of duty, or from natural causes. whichever.
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:iconraesm:
RaeSM Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
I have a question. :3 When they are castrated they lose or no longer grow their manes, right? Is that something that happens in real life, or was that something you made up? I wasn't sure lol
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:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
its what happens in real life. if a lion is castrated, his mane falls out. mane production is thought to be linked to testosterone levels, so when the testes are gone, the testosterone levels plummet, meaning nothing there to keep manes growing in. its also why some lionesses grow manes -- overproduction of testosterone.
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:iconraesm:
RaeSM Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
Huh! Interesting. O.o
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Well thank goodness for that! ...or not, actually. O_o
Can't decide if thats worse than my idea or not, but still, so brutal.

Was Sithakala always rubbish at making/keeping allies and/or friends? 'Cause it shows. :|
Reply
:iconrinjapine:
Rinjapine Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
yea, he was an absolute asshat, with no friends or anything. he was all "IM ALL POWERFUL, SCREW YOU" to everyone he met.
Reply
:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
Thank you, I've just found the movie I'll be watching tonight.XD
Reply
:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
same here!
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Be careful! It's a real punch in the feels! XD
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Hidden by Owner
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
I WARNED YOU DUDE. :iconcryforeverplz:
Reply
:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
That Movie was the greatest, epic, most sadest thing EVER!:iconcryforeverplz:

I hope to god they import that movie and have it dubbed for english audiences. I'd show this movie to my kid friends just as quickly as I'd show them Bambi or any other good ol' Disney movie.
Reply
:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
I know! They really nailed it there! :cries:

I'd be glad just to have it officially subtitled in english. It's such a beautifully lovely little film!
Beware the German DVDs though, I've read they actually cut the full ending off! 8C
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(1 Reply)
:iconkalaharimeerkatfan:
KalahariMeerkatfan Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
Interesting. Lalela looks very pretty and this is a nice touch after that. The males just remind me of Living Sands lions, but I think they are truly loyal to their lady
Reply
:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
Awww, if only Palecoat wasn't a eunuch! Or could even SPEAK! But he's there as much as he can be for his Dowager, and unfortunately that's all he and the other can offer her. They both probably feel some measure of love for her, him especially, and they know how hurt she is, like they have been hurt by the laws and the emperors.
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Pretty much what I thought. They've all been hurt by the Emperor and the Royal Decree, so they have that much in common... :(
Reply
:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
We should petition Rinja to make him into the son a family member of her husband. She does have a lion(s) in place that could be Palecoat AND Darkcoats parents. And from a little plot point she leaked to me, it does seem like Sithakala 'got rid of' some family. What better way to rid himself of his nephews or extra male family members then having them serve him after ensuring they'd never have children or voice their lineage to anyone ever?

Plus, she never has done males with absolutely NO mane whatsoever. Sure, there are the sand males, but they all have a tuft here and there. She might agree if we come up with their and their parents designs and stories if she'd rather not do them, following her guidelines of course. I really do want to see more of these guys, and their possible story of their families just fits in perfect with the Sun Empire darkness.
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
Thats pretty much the idea I had too! XD (see lower in the comments!)
I don't thinks it's strictly necessary for that to be, however. The very implication that some of the eunuchs might be related to the Royal family in that context is horrible enough! XS
Palecoat could pass for this, since he's almost as light-colored as Sithakala, but that's just the romantic in me talking! ^^

Maybe if he and/or Darkcoat get a bigger part to play later on, then it could be justified. Lalela hasn't figured out what Alikata's been up to yet after all...

I don't know, wouldn't Pacha and Thekeng count as maneless? We haven't seen Thekeng without his/her mane yet, so maybe he/she's completely 'bald'! XD
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:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
Yeah, I read through the comments and it seems Rinja is set that these guys are not related to the royal family, even if some of the eunuchs might be. But still, since Sithakala has siblings he got rid of, I DO see that they might have had kids that he dealt with this way. And Palecoat especially like like he could be a nephew to the emperor. Still, like you, that just might be the romantic in me. We can settle for just Palecoat, since it might be a stretch for both her guards to be related to the royal family.

I soooooo want to see Thekeng maneless, but Pacha did have a tuff. He was all white, so it was still the same color. Same with Yeye, she was maned, but since she was white she seemed super scruffy.
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
I agree with you there. Sithakala is one nasty, horrible piece of work alright (considering what Rinja's been hinting at lately...), I certainly wouldn't put just ordering such a thing past him. :(

I love the idea of Thekeng looking virtually indistinguishable from any other lioness, with short impeccably groomed fur!
All the more fun to catch the wandering boys' eyes (and surprise the hell out of them later)! XD
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:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
And since she says the Eunuchs are trained that way from birth to accept their fate, maybe Sithakala took Palecoat as an infant and threw him to the Eunuch trainers, on pain of death if they ever told him his relationship to the royal family. Of told them that was their purpose to serve the 'true' royal family. And then he cut out his tongue out of spite/just to be a sick bastard and cut out the tongues of her other guards so it wouldn't look like he was singling Palecoat out.

My, we sure do Love Palecoat don't we?XD

And if were a dude, I wouldn't care as much when I found out thekeng's secret. But this is a yaoi fangirl wondering what if if she were a guy.XD
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Professional General Artist
We love him so! :love:

I do hope there's a happy ending there for Thekeng. Sure it might be really weird for that certain someone, whoever they are, but then they think "...well shucks, I really love him ...her, anyway. Okay then! :)"
Thinking of one particular episode of "Cold Case" here. It made me cry!
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(2 Replies)
:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What's that she's holding?
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
It's supposed to be a little hollowed out, dried fruit-skin holding a poisonous concoction drink of water.
I'm not sure why I added that in, to be honest. To make her look posh, I suppose. :\
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:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LOL poisonus concoction
Oh, and Palecoat's cheeks are rounded like a lioness. Not scruffy, just so you know. ^^
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:iconpinksneasel:
Pinksneasel Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012
They were a bit scruffy.XD
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:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
but mostly rounded
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Aw rats they are! :(
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:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
S'okay. Rinja ain't gonna mind.
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
He's tiny in her picture anyway, I doubt it'll matter much. :)
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:iconwerebereus:
Werebereus Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Eeyup.

So Animon *siddles close to you* I heard you've never been flirted with online before...
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:iconanimon:
animon Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
:blush:

OHHH WAT!? XD
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(1 Reply)
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